We’re not Royals

Hey Mate,

Tomorrow is the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

So, why is Tabanero writing a blog about it? First of all, weddings are best celebrated with a great cigar like a handmade Tabanero. Secondly, we are all cigar aficionados and as such, we are citizens of the world. Cosmopolitan is the term. We embrace and celebrate the good and beautiful in every culture. This royal wedding is an excellent opportunity to learn a little more about our friends across the pond.

They like to call the Atlantic Ocean “the pond.” They have different words for other things as well. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Kip – this word simply means a bed. So you’ll be getting out of your kip early tomorrow if you want to see the wedding.

Know your Onions – this is the equivalent to saying ‘you really know your stuff.’ It’s not that the British are into vegetables. Apparently, there was some teacher named Onion known for tough tests – or something like that. We really don’t want to get that much into it, we just like how it sounds.

Cheesed Off – basically means ticked off. It has nothing to do with cheese. That would be

Scrummy – which means delicious and has nothing to do with rugby. Which if you played a game could leave you

Knackered – that is tired. You could go watch a game instead, if you were to

Skive from work. To skive is to shirk your responsibilities. Maybe you could meet a

Dishy – person who we would call ‘hot’. Maybe you might even

Snog – which is a horrible sounding word to denote kissing. It is utter

Codswallop – or nonsense. And perhaps it is codswallop to try to speak like the British. Because we will never quite get the rules right.

Speaking of rules – there are quite a few rules that govern the royals. Here are a few of them.

No PDA. Public displays of affection are not to be shown, not even holding hands. Snogging is right out of there.

The bride’s bouquet must have myrtle in it. This goes back many generations and is just a tradition they follow – we don’t know our onions on this one.

They are not allowed to play the game Monopoly. Yes, that is right. Perhaps it has to do with fights over who got to be the top hat. Maybe, it is because they already have a monopoly in England, so America just would be unfair – game or not.

They are not allowed to eat shellfish. We don’t know why either. Maybe someone confused the phrase ‘don’t be selfish.’ Though, it’s more likely a rule because there is a risk in eating shellfish.

We didn’t make the rules, we don’t even have to follow them. But we can watch it unfold tomorrow.

So, get up early tomorrow, make some tea, and eat some crumpets – or perhaps Eggs Benedict if you are more industrious. No matter what you do, enjoy being British. Then celebrate the new couple’s nuptials by enjoying a fine handmade Tabanero cigar.

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